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Postby UnAs » Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:45 am

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MySanityDoesFly :It would take more than a tight arse to get me to a Megadeth show ;-)
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Postby muskurov » Sat Jan 18, 2014 9:01 pm

A client ordered a soup in a restaurant but he didn't get his spoon so he calls the waiter over. The waiter just grabs in his breast pocket and pulls out a spoon and hands it to the customer. The customer is pleasantly surprised and goes "that sure went quick, you guys always carry an extra spoon around?" The waiter goes: "Yes, you know we had business consultants from McKenzie here and they streamlined all the processes. They calculated that if every waiter always carries a spoon around this will save every waiter 18 extra walks to the kitchen a week, and for every waiter combined that amounts to over 50 hours a month which is like 500 bucks." the client is impressed.
After lunch when the client is ordering the bill he notices a little thread going from the belt of the waiter into the fly. He asks "is this also something to with McKenzie"? "Yes, you know, the thread is tied to my penis and if I go to the toilet I can just open my pants and pull the thread and don't have to touch my penis - I don't have to wash my hands after peeing, save time again and McKenzie calculated that this saves the restaurant another hundreds of dollars a month".
The client is impressed but asks "So how do you get it back into your pants after peeing?" Waiter: "I don't know how the others do it but I use the spoon"
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Postby UnAs » Mon Jan 27, 2014 5:16 pm

MySanityDoesFly :It would take more than a tight arse to get me to a Megadeth show ;-)
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Postby muskurov » Fri May 09, 2014 11:15 am

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
...

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."
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Postby Danhod » Fri May 09, 2014 11:50 pm

muskurov wrote:A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
...

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."


Lol! Saucy
As Real As Rainbows
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Postby muskurov » Sat May 31, 2014 1:41 pm

MySanityDoesFly wrote:What have Kermit The Frog's penis and Harry Potter got in common?

Hogwarts.


:lol: LOL
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Postby muskurov » Sat Oct 04, 2014 10:40 am

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
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Postby muskurov » Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:47 pm

[Jesus on the cross]

*texts with 1 hand* "um dad y hav u 4saken me wtf"

*5 hrs pass*

"new phone. who dis?"
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Postby UnAs » Sun Feb 01, 2015 1:25 pm

abbie wrote:A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day it starts to shake and rock so he looks outside and he sees a large elephant trying to climb up the tree.
"What the hell!" the squirrel exclaims. "What the hell do you think you're doing climbing up this tree?!"
The elephant responds. "I'm climbing up here to eat pears."
The squirrel is befuddled. "You moron! This is a pine tree! There are no pears!"
The elephants stares at him for a moment before replying, "I know. I brought my own."

:lol: :lol:
MySanityDoesFly :It would take more than a tight arse to get me to a Megadeth show ;-)
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Postby UnAs » Mon Mar 30, 2015 10:42 am

abbie wrote:An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

:lol:
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