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Postby Sorrow » Fri Sep 25, 2009 6:36 pm

Thanks everyone :lol:

@Scarlett: Cheers, that is one of my favourite lines in it aswell :D

@Iceicelet: Thanks the ones I said I was writing before are ones that I've actually properly 'composed' and I don't are finished yet, they're not personal ones though, both are stories and one is about faults in human nature and the other is about the horror of futility. And regarding using 'fucks' its more as a showing of meaninglessness than the whole punk attitude, I've never used it in that way I find it really childish. I have some other garden themed poems but they aren't really related to this one, but I'm sure there will be a continuation of it in the coming two weeks, which I suppose isn't a good thing but it has to be done.

Regarding 'These Reckless Hands':

I really like it, good work! I seem to be able to relate to each verse at the moment. I especially like the 3rd verse 'Sincere apologies for you to marvel at' :beerchug:
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Postby Scarlett » Fri Sep 25, 2009 6:55 pm

Dwelling Place

This is no haven
No refuge
No place for an innocent
There is no love here

This hellish abode
Polluted
With the venom of words
No mercy shown here

The road to this door
Is littered
With broken promises
There is no hope here

Within these dread walls
Restrained
Bereft of all comfort
No joy survives here

The heart of this place
Is black
A nucleus of hate
Disorder reigns here

This place shall prevail
Nurtured
By negativity
While they reside here
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Postby Sorrow » Fri Sep 25, 2009 7:11 pm

Great poem Scarlett! I like the word choice, it has a lot of imagery :D I really like the last two verses especially. You should post more :beerchug:
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Postby Scarlett » Fri Sep 25, 2009 7:16 pm

Cheers Sorrow. Very much appreciated. :beerchug: :D
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Postby Gottfried » Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:30 pm

These Reckless Hands is just irreproachable. It becomes especially astonishing starting from the place ...It was I who gave you the mirror...
However it seems to me that it isn't Martin's traditional style. :o
And that intrigues me even more.

Dwelling Place. It is great. And the theme is so near to my heart. I think I have a poem with similar theme. But it's in Russian. :)

...But beyond the groans and grating
Of abhorrent Life, is waiting
Sweet Oblivion, culminating
All the years of fruitless quest.
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Postby Iceicelet » Sun Sep 27, 2009 2:58 pm

@ Sorrow: Thanks for your thoughts. Now I see your point better. You`ve got your arguments and this is a good thing. It makes your poetry alive.

@ Scarlett: You wrote your poem in green and this isn` t accidentally...? Right? Theme is really good, indeed. It has an essential relation with actual issues being discussed nowdays. This poem creates a feeling of hopelessness and makes us think more (hopefully) about environment. Did you mean a specific spot or this is more generally taken? However, 'Dwelling place' as a title in itself makes a clear point...

Gottfried wrote:These Reckless Hands is just irreproachable. It becomes especially astonishing starting from the place ...It was I who gave you the mirror...


I totally agree with you about this particular line. A while ago I thought for a moment... there must be some poetry related to ambiguity of mirror theme and look...here it is. That`s weird, anyway. :o
Not only this line of mirror, also the last two lines made a gorgeous ending. As always.

Gottfried wrote:Dwelling Place. It is great. And the theme is so near to my heart. I think I have a poem with similar theme. But it's in Russian. :)


Please, write it down, just in a case if this is allowed in here. :? I`m sure there are people who could understand this poem. :wink:
-Morning is when I am awake and there is a dawn in me- by H.D.Thoreau


- the fake lies that we are told and the real truths we forget -
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Postby Scarlett » Sun Sep 27, 2009 8:06 pm

Gottfried wrote:Dwelling Place. It is great. And the theme is so near to my heart. I think I have a poem with similar theme. But it's in Russian. :)
Thanks Gottfried :D

Iceicelet wrote:Scarlett: You wrote your poem in green and this isn` t accidentally...? Right? Theme is really good, indeed. It has an essential relation with actual issues being discussed nowdays. This poem creates a feeling of hopelessness and makes us think more (hopefully) about environment. Did you mean a specific spot or this is more generally taken? However, 'Dwelling place' as a title in itself makes a clear point...


Thanks also Iceicelet :D You are right, it is about a specific place. It's based on where I grew up. It's kind of about the actual home I grew up in as well as the surrounding environment.
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Postby psychosomatiKing » Sun Sep 27, 2009 11:32 pm

@Iceicelet: Thank you. I very much wanted this one to be simple just
to further prove a point.

@Scarlett: It's not so much a matter of me being modest as it is a matter
of me full and well knowing that I don't the first thing about writing
poetry. On top of that, my english could be way better.
About "These reckless...", thanks for the comment. I'm glad you
liked the ending, I'm rather fond of it myself. :D

@Sorrow: Thank you. This is the second time you like verse number three
most. ;P

@Gottfried: And thank you as well. The mirror in this case holds a great
deal of significance yes. ;) I'm glad it doesn't sound like my traditional
style. It is rushed work though, so that might be why.

And @Scarlett again: Dwelling Place reminds me of a place I once knew... and,
that gives me the creeps in several ways. It is beautifully written however
and I can't help but love it.
"Inspiration is a word used by people who aren't really doing anything."
— Nick Cave
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Postby Scarlett » Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:24 pm

psychosomatiKing wrote:@Scarlett: It's not so much a matter of me being modest as it is a matter
of me full and well knowing that I don't the first thing about writing
poetry. On top of that, my english could be way better.:D


:lol: I don't think there is a right or wrong way to write poetry. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways, and as long as it is sincere and comes from the heart, that's all that matters. And I don't think there's anything wrong with your english whatsoever! :)

psychosomatiKing wrote:And @Scarlett again: Dwelling Place reminds me of a place I once knew... and, that gives me the creeps in several ways. It is beautifully written however and I can't help but love it.


And thank you very much for that, I really do appreciate it. :beerchug:
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Postby psychosomatiKing » Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:15 pm

...homeless...

I've lost all senses
To a ruthless saviour
My stillborn defences
Always in rebound
One keystroke away
And the purity is fading
And every word you don't say
Is a punch to the face

(if I were a priest, love
I'd forgive you,
remove this silken glove
and forgive you)


From the attic where I lost you
I can hear the footsteps of children
The splinters I've regressed to
My legs burn from the search
I beg of you to stay
Of course this means nothing
When I'm running away
And you are my reflection

(if I were a priest, love
I'd build you a cross
for you to make a home in, dove
I'd build you a cross)
"Inspiration is a word used by people who aren't really doing anything."
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Postby Gottfried » Mon Sep 28, 2009 7:42 pm

It makes me speechless. :heart: :violin:
It's so apathetic and filled with some calmness.
I feel some strange kind of anguish that causes a light smile while reading it... Like smiling farewell(?)

You know I cannot criticize much, so I've just described my feelings. :)
And it is way closer to your traditional style than the previous one, but still new and original to me of course.
I have to say your technique is unexceptionable. :beerchug: :worship:

Iceicelet wrote:
Please, write it down, just in a case if this is allowed in here. :? I`m sure there are people who could understand this poem. :wink:


You're very kind, but I think that would look just ridiculous. :)
But if you're that interested I could try to translate it though, but of course I'd dare to post it if the translation will be qualitive enough. I don't want to spoil one of my favourite threads with it. :)

...But beyond the groans and grating
Of abhorrent Life, is waiting
Sweet Oblivion, culminating
All the years of fruitless quest.
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Postby Scarlett » Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:35 pm

Homeless - another stunning piece from you psychosomatiKing. :ok:

In particular "One keystroke away, And the purity is fading, And every word you don't say, Is a punch to the face." I love the way you use words - the way you phrase things. To me it immediately puts pictures into my head, I imagine seeing the things you describe. The attic in the last verse is a prime example of this.
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Postby Iceicelet » Tue Sep 29, 2009 4:58 pm

It took a few times to read '...homeless...' til I realized how complicated this poem really is. 2nd verse of a basic theme is an increasing point of emotions. It leaves the most depressing impact. I had an impression that this one is a poem which stands out more in an empiric level and in the same time it emanates a quite simple atmosphere.

Imagery leaves an impression of symbolism. Such items as, glove made me think more generally about glove as a symbol of palm / action /... and more. There is also something really empathic in this small piece of literary art. Verses written in italics seems like a thoughts left deep inside whilst other parts are basic scenes.

This poem is unusual one in a sense of space. There is a reference on an empiric space, such as attic...It provides a vision for a reader. (Scarlett already mentioned it! :) ) I have to say that other poems or most part of them I read are more beyond space / nonspatial ones...This feature of a void space I like as well, because of possibility of much wider interpretation.

In my opinion, the ending sums it all up and shows a reference to the title...
This is another beautiful poem! (it seems to me I `m repeating myself. :) )

That`s how it seemed to me.
-Morning is when I am awake and there is a dawn in me- by H.D.Thoreau


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Postby The Last Lonely Man » Sun Sep 18, 2011 8:41 pm

A couple (of old ones) from me..

Dreamer
by ~TheLastLonelyMan

I see you in dreams
Your smile captured my heart
A fleeting glimpse
And I'm hopeless again

You came to me in a dream
And now I long for the night..

-------

The River
by ~TheLastLonelyMan

As my thoughts drifted out on the water
My reflection frayed and scattered
With only you in my eyes and heart
The illusion of grief is shattered...

What is love, if not everything?..

--------

My divine negative, No joy can be compared to you, And no conquest can be equated with you, No euphoria can be compared with you, And no love can ever replace you..
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Postby The Last Lonely Man » Sun Sep 18, 2011 8:49 pm

Thought: Worry..
by ~TheLastLonelyMan

(Love is like a flower,
Even the most beautiful kind will die)

My Hand in yours
I hold you and you turn away
I seek forgiveness in your eyes
Long lost are those days.

How do I save this?
My heart longs for those days

Love flowing through my chest
Now unrequited
My heart sinks when I see you smile
I know it's not for me...

My divine negative, No joy can be compared to you, And no conquest can be equated with you, No euphoria can be compared with you, And no love can ever replace you..
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